Pursuit of Happiness..

Mistakes. The most dreaded feeling in this world is the realization that you've erred. That the 'perfectionist' tagline is just a farce and no human being in this whole wide universe is capable of being  infallible. It's not just how we interpret human emotions, but whether we make the mistake of misinterpreting them. Human beings are a complex species, possessing the deadly combination of a dynamic brain and an impulsive heart.  One that wants to soar like a bird and sing like a canary one moment, and strangulate some other poor counterpart the next. Sheer unpredictability and non-uniformity are inseparable characteristics of f us fickle   humans. You never know what to expect the next moment, like a box of assorted chocolates. For me, it's emblematic of receiving the favorite fruit and nut filling, only to be preceded by a glutinous caramel or praline one, much to the disappointment of taste buds. Incommensurable. Yes.That's exactly what we are. Beyond translation, beyond comparison. And beyond comprehension.
Treachery and betrayal makes us realize our mistake in reading people, in choosing our companions. Now we don't get to choose when it comes to kindred and filial relationships, but we certainly do have a say in determining our friends and foes. But sometimes, seeing through facades and deceptions can prove difficult. So there goes the first mistake. Not being able to construe  the fake smiles and tears.
Then comes the greatest folly of all. The mistake of permitting yourself to be treated  like a disposable trash or waste-paper basket. If you want others to respect you, give them something to respect. Value yourself, your intelligence, your intellect and knowledge. Those you judge you on the basis of your physical attributes and genetically transmitted physiological traits, do NOT love you.
''And if they loved you, they would not invite you to sin''
It is certainly not about looking stylish, sensuous and suave. It's about modesty, moderation and magnificence. Your figure hugging clothes will only arouse temporal curiosity, but just for a moment. The next second, you're nothing but an old rerun. Repetitive and mundane.
And last but not the least, the mistake of dependance. Depending on individuals who will never understand your need, who take you for granted. Who will never jump across a puddle for you, but for whom you are prepared to cross oceans and seas. Don't degrade yourself by asserting your affection. They probably don't deserve it at all.
But if by the strange calculations of fate, you do come across someone  as simple and uncomplicated as ABC yet mystifying like calculus, who will complete your sentences before the words even escape your lips, whose tongue will  give a taste of his beautiful heart, who is undaunted by the prospect of waking up to a drooling, open mouthed zombie with twig shaped hair strands every morning..
Who cherishes, sustains and completes you.
Who will treat you like his queen when you no longer look like one.
Who will safeguard your smile, be it wrinkly.
Don't let go. But remember,
''Happiness lies inside you.Not with someone else''
That is your pursuit of happiness.

War..

Amidst the maundering silence

And the lingering darkness..

In delirious dreams..

 The surreptitious silhouettes..

Slowly, creep into the subconscious

Like an infant taking first steps..

I dare not unite my eyelashes

For I fear what awaits..

‘’Behold!’’, commands the heart

Let me cast my enchantment once O archrival brain..

 For the draught of living death works wonders..

Pacifies the turbulent mind..

But ignites the dispassionate soul..

Night befalls, and placates the universe..

And that is when I witness          

The chaotic tussle..

Between two titans..

The unconquerable soul

Versus the invincible mind..

Between logic..

And the blinders of an unwanted emotion..

‘’I win’’, proclaims the heart after awhile

As the mind humbly succumbs..

Only to rise again..

Teaser 2..

She was taking a leisurely stroll down the sandy sea shore, as the waves caressed her sand infested feet. The  wintry breeze pierced her like ice cold daggers, and she rubbed her hands once and while, while chattering amidst the biting cold. It was almost twilight and the sun was slowly making its way down the horizon, leaving a trail of blazing vermillion in the sky. The cumulus clouds made way for the last few rays of sunlight for the day, bathing the sea shore in a golden orange light. it wasn’t anything like she had ever seen before. waking up  at dawn with sleep ridden eyes  not something she really enjoyed, but her parents insisted on watching the sun rise every morning, so it was mandatory to accompany  them while they reveled in natures bountiful splendors. Sunset was far more appealing to her, as she could savor the unearthly beauty when her body wouldn’t crave for a few more hours of sleep.

She could faintly discern the miniscule lights that glowed far away from the sea shore, from where she could the larger waves undulating, not that far away from the sinking sun itself. They were hundreds of nautical miles away, looking like tiny fire flies from she stood. The source of the lights as she had learned from her father, were the  cluster of marine ships that were anchored in that particular zone.

She sometimes thought of the sailors, in the ship, and what they might be doing, cast far away from dry land. Whether they felt lonely and sea sick, or whether they missed their families and loved ones. She wondered if she could survive in a place like that, isolated and alone, in the middle of nowhere, and  wherever her eyes went, all she would see was the dark blue-black waters. 

She could  almost smell the salinity  that lingered in the air. A group of people were probably doing  a barbeque somewhere nearby, and she caught the faint scent scent of sauteed meat.  She suddenly felt hunger pangs kick in, and ruminated on not having a proper lunch. They had eaten at a local restaurant, and  the meal consisted of seafood. Fish never evoked her appetite. 

It was the 3^rd day of their trip and she was already yearning to leave. She loved the beach, loitering around the shores, watching mom and dad banter sitting on their favorite plimsolls, waking up to the  icy wind lapping at her face, sightseeing the tourist destinations  where mom could haggle to her heart’s content over a  pair of sandals.

She loved the place, its aura and idyllic scenes. And yet…

Leaving behind the bustling metropolitan was easy. Actually, she had wanted to get away from the city, the moment she heard her parents were planning a holiday. The dreadful exams were finally over, assignments and projects wrapped up and submitted and she could finally breathe. At least for the next 3 weeks till 5^th semester commenced. Immense relief was what she felt, after writing the very last word in her exam script.  no more stressing over deadlines,  fussing over nitty gritty details and rushing to library and photocopy machines. At least for the time being. 

But then again the city had its own magnetism.  Polluted, overcrowded, fast paced , yes.

But it was also home. Her only  abode.  A safe haven  to return to after a long tiring day.

She missed him a lot. The men’s hair salon in front of their  resort had a poster of  a model on its entrance, and his hairstyle reminded of him. Slightly tousled, and unkempt, but stylish at the same time.  She saw an exact same  hoodie she had seen him wearing at a shop mom had dragged her to,  navy blue with ‘’why so serious?’’ written in white on the front.

Almost everything she saw, inexplicably  reminded her of bits and pieces of him.

She remembered reading somewhere, love and lust were two disparate feelings. Lust was something instantaneous, a temporary attraction to the opposite sex, solely based on their appearance.

Whereas love was something deep, profound and subtle.

Yes, she liked men who knew how to be subtle. But he was nowhere near that.

Sometimes she was perplexed by his actions, his words. He could sound so nonchalant, like a flippant.

But even she couldn’t deny the fact that at times he stared at her like he could see everything inside her heart. Like she could keep no secrets from her.  and she was fully aware that her best friend didn’t lie either.

He was so hard to read. Like some arcane Gallic scripture, she scoffed.

‘’ Laila, its getting dark, come inside’’, mom called out from the balcony.

Inhaling the salty air last time for the evening , she traipsed along the sandy pathway, back to the hotel.

Priceless...

Frustration. One of the most uttered, quoted, pondered and postulated human conundrums. One of the fundamental symptoms of depression and melancholia. Neuro psychiatrists have identified some of the integral causes like anxiety, extremely low levels of self-esteem, self-belief and confidence, failure in social and economic arenas of lie as some of  the conditions that trigger frustration. We have sky high expectations from life. Striving to that reach the acme, the pinnacle of success, unsettling fears grip us from behind, holding us back. We fret over every meager or mighty loss, and at the end all we're left with is a saturnine mood and buckets of regret. Frustration takes us nowhere ultimately. It plays with our mind and snatches away the stolen moments of happiness. All our lives we expect the road to be straight and unwinding, like a smooth silken ribbon. As asinine as we are, we consider this world as ''a wish granting factory and an Eden of Abundance. Such utopian, fairy tale like expectations is what leads us to the darkest pits of disappointment. A heart filled with love and fetish for anything and everything materialistic, will ineluctably languish in misery. You own a sedan, but your heart craves for a luxury SUV.  You own an apartment, but you would rather live in a  palatial mansion. You earn a five digit figure salary? You wish to add another zero to it. Human wants, are never ending. And ever changing. One of the basic concepts of economics actually stems from this facet human nature. Since we demand too much, we own too less. Our resources are scarce, and there is a dearth of all goods and services.
Moving away from the economical point of view, an intrinsic human nature is that of dissatisfaction, discontent and displeasure. We look for more and better ways to satisfy our infinite wants,and seek the unseen, chase the undiscovered. Our avarice goads us to run faster, work harder and think quicker. After all, time is money. And money is everything.
Your surplus bank balance can buy you one of those 'sensor-attached' beds..
But can it buy you sleep?
Your wallet stashed with thousand dollar bills, can buy you those plush upholstered couches and divans..
but can it buy you comfort and relief after a hectic day at work?..
Your villa can have luxurious, posh interiors and rooms the size of football fields..
But can it give you the joy of  kinship and familial bonds?
.There are some things money cannot buy.
Happiness is one of them...